


Grieving

by SinfulSakurauchi



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Depression, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loss, Married Couple, Suicide, implied supernatural shit?? Fuck if i know i started, writing this at like 5 am it aint good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 16:29:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17532209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinfulSakurauchi/pseuds/SinfulSakurauchi
Summary: And just like that, she was gone.





	Grieving

Dia stormed out of the house at three in the morning, revving up the car and putting it into drive. She drove down to an empty lot next to a nearby cliff edge and sat, her face hidden deep within her hands, the only sounds coming from the chirps of crickets and her sniffling. She knew that her wife was unstable, and that their little arguments over stupid things _ (“Your feelings aren’t stupid, Dia,” Riko would always scream--)  _ would never have any actual impact on their relationship. Every time they happened, though, Dia would grow more and more tired of it. It wasn’t Riko’s fault that she was ill, just unfortunate genetics and upbringing -- but god, pure, raw, unfiltered emotion was something Dia wasn’t used to. She laughed a little, thinking how it was hypocritical of her to blame Riko’s upbringing, when her own was just as worse.

 

Pulling herself together, Dia took a deep breath before getting back in her car. She realized how irrational she was being by storming out of the house and how Riko really was just trying to talk things out -- but took all of it as an attack on her, despite the calmness in her voice -- which wasn’t usually there.

 

A breaking point is a breaking point, though. Dia turns on the radio and starts to drive home. She’ll go home, she’ll apologize to Riko, and Riko will apologize to her, and they will sort things out, just as they always have. Despite the arguments; Dia can’t think of anyone else she would rather be with -- which is why she DID marry Riko. It came with the package. On her way back, Dia stops at the convenience store to pick up a few “I’m sorry” snacks to make things a little bit easier on her end -- and to enjoy the silence of a store at three in the morning. Cold, crisp air and the scent of oddly fresh baked goods calmed Dia down a little bit more.

 

After ringing up at the register, Dia makes her way home. It’s a bit odd to see that the lights were left on -- usually Riko would have headed to bed by now. Maybe she was waiting up to talk.

 

“Riko-chan?” Dia opened the door, poking her head in before completely stepping inside. “Are you still awake?” She says loudly enough to echo through the whole house. She doesn’t get the response that she was hoping for. “I brought home your favorite egg sandwiches from the convenience store, Riko-chan. I’m sorry if I upset you…” At this point, Dia begins to panic a little. 

 

“Riko-chan?” Dia sets down her bags onto the living room table and hurries around upstairs to their room. She opens the door.

 

Riko isn’t in there; the next spot she checks is the bathroom. Not in there, either. Before she notices, Dia ends up checking every room in the house, with no sign of her wife anywhere.

 

Shakily, Dia takes a deep breath. Her gut was telling her that something was wrong, and her gut is never wrong. Dia heads out through the back door of their house, and into the garden. Her eyes fixate on the tree -- The one that Riko suggested they plant together.

 

Dangling. 

 

All Dia sees is a dangling silhouette. 

 

And just like that, she’s gone. 

 

\--

 

It’s been a year since Dia had first found Riko’s body. 

 

“Hey hey,” Mari leans over, pressing her chest onto Dia’s back, the stinging scent of alcohol hurting Dia’s nose. “Why don’t cha’ drink a little bit more, Dia-chaaan?” Her hands are running a little bit lower than they should. Dia knows she means nothing of it. She’s hurting just as much.

 

“I don’t really feel like it, Mari-san.” Dia stares into her drink. Mari backs off.

 

“You can’t stay this way forever,” Mari sighs.

 

“It’s been a YEAR, Mari, not forever. I’m not like you. I can’t get over people just as easy.” Dia hisses, chugging the rest of her drink. 

 

Mari shakes her head. “But you’ve been bad.”

 

“We all have. Now get off of me, I’ve got to go somewhere.” Dia pushes Mari off and hurries out the front door. She gets into her car and slams the door shut and rests her head on the steering wheel.

 

“Fuck…” Dia whimpers, putting the car into drive. She drives at a speed that she never thought she would be driving at, but it was late at night and nobody else was on the road. 

 

As Dia drives, she vividly remembers what she’s seen. She can’t even think about Riko without the image of her body hanging there on that tree flashing in her mind.

 

The image of the struggle that Riko put up, and how she must have been scared out of her mind and regretting even putting that rope around her neck, only to sit there and suffer up until her last moments --

 

And Dia wasn’t there. 

 

In a moment of hysteria, Dia swerves the car, not giving a damn about what happens to her -- Who cares if it’s going to cost her family money? It’ll go to her parents, and it won’t affect Ruby-- it’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine if she dies. Her parents were assholes anyway, and one of the many reasons that Riko had issues, if anything, they deserved to lose her --

 

The car crashes into a nearby tree and everything ends up damage. The glass of Dia’s front window shatters inwards and damages her.

 

\--

 

“Don’t do that again, Dia-chan!” Hanamaru cried, clinging onto Dia’s free arm. Hazily, Dia looked around the hospital room and sighed. Maybe drinking that night was a little bit too much.

 

“I’m fine,” Dia looks away from her. “Really.”

 

“If you were fine, I don’t think you would have swerved your car into a bunch of bushes, zura.”

 

Hanamaru did have a point there. “We’re gonna get you some help, okay?” She smiled softly at Dia. She adjusted her glasses and turned around, grabbing a large stack of books in her hands, and placed the onto the stand next to Dia. 

 

Dia watched her as she did so, but her eyes caught onto the bright pink flowers sitting next to the window sill.

 

“How long was I out?” Dia asks.

 

“Ahh… um, a few days. I didn’t tell anyone else yet, but… Ruby-chan knows, zura. I think she may be tellin’ everyone else…”

 

“Who brought those flowers?” The suspicion in Dia’s voice rose. 

 

“The pink lilies?” Hanamaru added.

 

“Yes. Those.”

 

Hanamaru scratched at her chin for a minute, squinting at the flowers. “I dunno!” She shrugs lightly. “Maybe they were just here before? I didn’t really notice.”

 

“...But those- Nevermind.” Dia was never one to believe in the supernatural.

 

The nights were the worst part of her hospital stay. Cold and lonely, but Dia was just thankful she was getting released soon and that the hit hadn’t done too much damage to her.

 

Considering how cold it was; Dia found herself waking up in the middle of the night quite frequently. Was the hospital naturally this cold? She shuffles out from her bed.

 

Pink flashes through her mind for a minute. Dia instinctively turns towards the lilies.

 

Still alive, as fresh as ever. 

 

A light, familiar melody plays throughout the room when Dia locks her eyes onto them. 

 

\--

“Onee-chan,” Ruby says as she wraps her arms around Dia, giving her a tight squeeze. “How have you been?”

 

Another year has passed. Dia returns the hug.

 

“Ah, ...well, actually.” Dia smiles, patting Ruby on the head and leading her inside. 

 

“That’s good!” Ruby cheers, sliding off her shoes before coming in completely. “I’m glad you’ve been improving! I was a little bit scared you weren’t gonna…” 

 

“I’m still here, aren’t I?” Dia giggles slightly. “It’s a bit of a struggle still maintaining the family business while going through… this. But I’m managing.”

 

“I can h-help-” 

 

“No,” Dia shakes her head. “You have your own fashion line to deal with, don’t you? Mrs. Kazuno Ruby?” She playfully winks at her sister. “I’ve got it under control. I’ve taken up a bit of a new hobby -- gardening.”

 

“Well I could still help,” Ruby sticks out her tongue. “Really, though? How’s it going?”

 

Dia pours the two of them some tea. “It started off a little bit rough, I’ll say that. But I do wholeheartedly enjoy it. It’s a nice stress reliever.”

 

“What do you like to plant, onee-chan?” Ruby smiles at seeing her sister doing better.

 

“Out of Chika’s request, I’ve planted some mikan trees. A lot of fruit, mainly, and vegetables. That way, I have more to spend on other things rather than food. I like to plant lilies as well-- I just…”

 

“Aren’t those her favorite flower?” Ruby adds, looking down. 

 

Dia nods. “I like to think of it as keeping her alive. I know that sounds crazy--”

 

“I think it’s nice! Like, she’s still with you… and the rest of us.”

 

“...Yeah.”

 

\--

 

After Ruby leaves at a semi-reasonable time, Dia finds herself alone again. She steps outside and stares at the work she’s done. She sits in between her garden of flowers and stares blankly into the distance.

 

“God,” Dia slides her head into her hands. “I’m really an idiot…” Lying straight to her sister’s face, lying to herself that any of this meant anything, as if stupid fucking flowers were going to make her feel better that her wife was dead--

 

“I miss you, Riko.” 

 

The cold wind carries the melody of a song with it.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Gonna be real and lost track of where I wanted to go with this because I am an absolute FOOL that does not make outlines and just write as I write. But at least it's some form of diariko fodder...
> 
> Please excuse the huge style shift at the end orz


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